Scramble for a Light Bulb
by Kangaroos 'n' Party Hats
Summary: Based on the classic DB joke: How many Z warriors does it take to change a light bulb? Well, let's find out! One-shot


**Disclaimer**: I do not own DB/Z/GT. D:

* * *

**Scramble for a Light Bulb**

(A One-shot)**  
**

Ah, March. What a lovely month!

"Vegeta, get your monkey-butt back inside the house this instant!"

Although, for some people, each month just seemed to blend into the next.

The saiyan prince, for instance, stubbornly continued his set of push-ups despite Bulma's angry rambling over the monitor which had unlatched itself and turned on with the woman's command. She had installed the device in the gravity room, so it was possible to pester her husband at all times imaginable. Dear Kami, sooner or later she would install a chip directly into Vegeta's brain, making it impossible for him to ignore her.

Then again, maybe she already had. It would explain why the woman's horrid voice was constantly exploding through his head.

_Ignore the screen_, thought Vegeta. _I must consider this a part of my training._

"Uh, Dad?" rasped Trunks, whipping his head back and forth between the image of his infuriated mother and grumbling father.

"Not now, Son. I'm busy."

"But Dad, Mom is really going at it…" whispered Trunks worriedly. "Shouldn't you just go inside?"

"Listen up, Trunks. It's not enough for a warrior to have a tough, physical exterior. He must be strong mentally, and allow nothing to hinder him from fulfilling his fighting spirit. Emotions and meaningless attachments to other people transform men into soft, blubbery, clowns like Kakarot. Emotions make one weak. Emotions destroy the warrior heart. Emotions—"

"VEGETA! I MADE THAT GRAVITY ROOM, AND I CAN DESTROY IT, TOO!"

"QUIET, WOMAN, I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING!"

Bulma scowled. "Hmph! The nerve of some men! I swear, after you've fallen asleep, I'm going to grab a hammer and whack you straight in the—"

"—you see, Trunks," continued Vegeta over the vicious roars of his wife, "I made the unfortunate mistake of settling into a human household. However, I will not make the mistake of doing household chores."

Trunks nodded at his father's statement, pretending that he was respectfully listening to and understanding the man's speech. However, the lavender-haired boy's mind was truly lingering over his mother's threats. Although his heart was concealed within a body, shielded by flesh and bones further enhanced by saiyan blood, it still quivered in fear. With eyebrows twitching subconsciously as if moved by the hands of terror, Trunks tried vainly to process the words of both parents.

"Vegeta, you are so unbelievable!!! I had to take out the trash, I had to wash the dishes, I did the laundry…"

Meanwhile, on a different note, Vegeta was saying, "Train hard, my son. That's all that ever matters. Don't give in to women. They're nothing but flies. Annoying, but they eventually buzz off."

"…I work all day, make the money, cook our meals. Now do your share and just change the freaking light bulb!!!"

"We are of royal blood. We don't do the work of maids and servants. That's what we have your mother for."

"VEGETA, I HEARD THAT!!!"

Throwing a punch at Trunks, Vegeta growled, "Now fight! Clear your mind of all disturbances and fight like a warrior! Don't become soft! Don't follow orders! Make them! Watch me and learn!"

Thoroughly confused, Trunks nevertheless instinctively ascended to the super saiyan form to match his father's regular speed beneath the intense gravity. His mother was giving commands, his father was telling him to ignore them, and yet at the same time, his father was giving his own commands.

Can you say "headache" or what?

With a grunt, the small boy blocked a punch from his father, but then yelped as he took a kick in the back. Rapidly, the half-saiyan turned from a sparring partner to a punching bag with the sole purpose of absorbing Vegeta's vigorous attacks.

Not willing to go unheard, Bulma roared, "If you won't change the light bulb, I'm going to find a better, more reliable man to change it for me!"

Trunks hunched over in pain as bile rose to his throat. _Oh man, I think I'm going to be sick._

"Besides, now that I think about it, you're not even fit to change a light bulb! You probably couldn't even do it if you tried!"

Vegeta sent an elbow, full of hatred and startlingly bare of all fatherly mercy, into his son's cheek.

_Did I say 'sick'?_ thought Trunks to himself. _I meant 'dead'. I think I'm going to be dead._

"But you know what? I know a man who can save the Earth two times faster than you and five times as better! He's a pure-hearted man and I'm sure he'll help me more than you ever will or would."

Trunks rose to his feet, a new fiery passion in his eyes. _I can't take this. I need to make my move._

"Yeah, that's right," said Bulma with a victorious smirk. "I'm going to call Goku."

With that said, the monitor flashed off and was compressed back into the wall of the chamber.

Then, at that moment, Trunks charged at Vegeta. However, at the last second, he glimpsed his father passing a hand over the control panel of the chamber.

_No, no, no, no, no!!!_ screamed Trunks frantically in his mind. Subsequently, he heard the beeps of the gravity returning back to the normal earthly forces, followed by the pronounced slam of his head bashing into a wall.

"Aw crud," mumbled Trunks, rubbing every tender scrap of skin on his face. "What the heck did you turn the gravity off for!?"

"Our match ends here for now."

Surprised, Trunks looked up. "What? How come?"

Vegeta muttered something under his breath before finally uttering in frustration, "We have a light bulb to change."

* * *

"Hi Vegeta!"

"Who let the idiot inside?" was Vegeta's immediate response.

"Heh, good to see you too," chuckled Goku, scratching the back of his head good-humoredly.

"All righty boys," said Bulma, standing at the front door with a smirk. "Let's see if you guys can have the light bulb screwed in before I get back from the grocery store, 'kay?"

"You can count on us, Bulma," assured Goku with a melodramatic nod.

"Oh, I know I can count on you, Goku," giggled Bulma, purposely tossing in a flirtatious wink to piss the hell out of Vegeta. And, in regards to her husband, she teased, "Just keep a watch on the monkey man over there for me. Later!"

Vegeta grunted in disgust. He was still trying to process the fact that the woman had actually called Kakarot over for assistance. Gah! What was she thinking? It was like asking a dog to help find the meaning of life! And at least dogs could play dead.

"Hey, do you guys have anything to eat? Chi-Chi sent me over here before she was done making breakfast," said Goku with a pout.

"Yeah, we probably have some snacks if you look around in the kitchen," replied Trunks, pointing the way.

Goku's face instantly brightened. "Gee, thanks Trunks!"

"No problem."

"There most definitely is a problem!" countered Vegeta angrily. "You're here to change a light bulb, not eat my food! Now complete the task that was given to you and leave at once!"

"Whoa, steady there," said Goku, waving his hands before himself defensively. "It's settled then! I'll change the light bulb first."

"Damn right you will."

Goku led the way to the hallway that Bulma had earlier gestured towards. A box was neatly placed in the middle of the nearby table. Carefully observing the image of a light bulb portrayed in simple black and white on the cardboard package, the saiyan questioned, "Hey guys, do you think the light bulb would be in here?"

A single bead of sweat trickled down Trunk's forehead. Trying strenuously to remember that he was staring at the savior of the universe, the boy patiently mumbled, "That _would_ make sense, yes."

With the child's confirmation, Goku cautiously unwrapped and withdrew the light bulb with tender care. Then, he gradually floated upwards and began to remove the lifeless bulb from the ceiling fixture. He then threw the useless bulb onto the table. "Wow, this isn't that hard, Vegeta."

"Clearly."

Giving a teasing grin, the orange-uniformed man laughed, "Then why was Bulma so certain that you would need my help?"

"Don't be a fool! I don't need your help, and I never will!"

Nearly giggling now: "Well Vegeta, Bulma sure tells a different story!"

"Grrr, give me that light bulb already!"

Vegeta lunged forward, but Goku swiftly somersaulted backwards, laughing giddily. Just when Vegeta was about to grasp the bulb, Goku jolted his arm backwards. "What's wrong? Can't catch me?"

Under the same circumstance, a civil man would have simply ignored the taunts and politely asked for the childish behavior to end, so the mundane task could be fulfilled and more important matters attended to. However, this particular situation dealt with an egotistical saiyan, so naturally…things just had to go _boom_.

Trunks strained his eyes in an attempt to keep up with the rapid motions. A miscalculated punch crashed into a wall, causing a large crater to form and wooden chips from the ceiling to shower onto the ground. There were a few more flashes of bodies moving in midair before the hallway table and its contents then crumpled to the ground like paper. At last, Goku skidded backwards across what-was-once-a-really-nice-looking-granite-tiled-flooring and struck his back against a door that burst out of its frame upon impact.

Vegeta touched upon ground, panting slightly. He outstretched his arm and faced the flat of his palm toward Goku who began to blink rapidly. "Vegeta, wait! This is getting out of hand. You can have the light bulb, okay?"

"No mercy!" roared Vegeta, thrusting a ki blast at his foe.

Acting instinctively, Goku charged the light bulb in his right hand with massive amounts of ki. Then, the warrior hurled the object, enveloped in a white aura, to meet and cancel out Vegeta's attack.

The three in the hallway finally paused, stunned by the revelation of what had just happened.

"Whoops," said Goku, staring at the remaining shard of glass from the bulb now littered across the floor. "I think it's broken."

"YOU IDIOT!!!" burst Vegeta. "Of course it's broken now! What made you think to throw the light bulb!?"

"Sorry, it just sorta happened! I wasn't really thinking about it."

"You weren't really thinking about it," repeated Vegeta snidely. "What a surprise!"

Goku pouted like a toddler. "Hey, I said I'm sorry, didn't I?"

"Tch, as if that makes a difference," grunted Vegeta. "Trunks! Where does that mother of yours keep the other light bulbs?"

Trunks, who had been timidly inching away from the scene of utter destruction, froze in his spot and answered hesitantly, "Well actually, that was kinda…the last one we had…sir."

Before Vegeta went on a rampage, Goku intervened, "Hey, all we have to do is buy a new light bulb, right? That can't be so difficult."

"Yes. Good plan. You go to the store and buy a light bulb while I stay here and ponder how infinite your stupidity is!"

"All right," agreed Goku dutifully. "I broke the bulb, so I'll go get the new one. That's fair. Just hang tight, okay? I'll be back!"

With that said, the man was gone.

Trunks exchanged a glance with his father and knew that their thoughts were the same. Although the happy-go-lucky man could conquer universal villains like Frieza, androids, or Majin Buu, the man would be as useless as a computer without a monitor when it came to household chores.

"Should we go after him now?" asked Trunks at last.

"Why should we? That woman places so much faith in that insufferable clown. It'll do her good to realize that he can't even change the freaking light bulb. Ha!"

"But Dad…"

"What now?"

"If she comes back from the store and we're not done here…She might be under the impression that we can't change the light bulb either."

Vegeta glared off into the distance before stomping angrily outside the door and zooming off after Goku.

"My life," he muttered. "I hate it."

* * *

"West City Electrical Appliances Store," read Trunks aloud as he scanned the bland, black, block lettering on the wooden sign hanging above the automatic doorway. "I'm guessing they don't sell creativity here."

Goku pressed his nose against the window and gazed inside like a child peeking into a pet shop to peep at the animals with wonder. "Wow, good thing we have Trunks here! I would have never thought to look for a light bulb in a store like this!"

The boy beamed with pride at the praise he never received at home until his own father remarked to Goku, "It wouldn't have even crossed your mind to look in a store. You probably would've stolen it from a restaurant, Idiot."

Disregarding the man's statement, Goku excitedly led the way into the store. "Where to, Trunks? You seem like you know where you're going."

"Yeah, well I have been here a few times with my mom before," explained Trunks with modesty. "Here, it's this way."

Vegeta grunted. "Hurry it up. We don't have all day."

Goku, on the other hand, seemed to enjoy the leisurely pace. He plucked a coil of cords off a rack and commented, "Mmm, it looks like spaghetti! Can I eat it?"

The lavender-haired boy stared. "Not unless you wanna die."

"Well, been there, done that," laughed Goku light-heartedly at the mentioning of death. Still, he eventually discarded the item in hopes of finding a tastier meal.

After a few minutes, the trio stumbled upon an aisle housing a variety of light bulbs. With a few more compliments from Goku for their successful finding of the aisle, Trunks bragged, "I guess I am pretty awesome."

Yet, all self-confidence was lost when Vegeta questioned, "So which one do we get?"

"Uhhh…"

What kind of lighting did they use at home anyhow? Incandescent, compact fluorescent or halogen? Should they get the white bulb or the soft, yellow-y colored one? His mom did seem to love peppy colors, but would she have a preference when it came to light bulbs? And did shape matter? A-line, globe, tubular, spiraled, or candle-flame shaped? Would all of them even work? The base size would probably make a difference. And which one was cheapest? Watts were important too, weren't they?

Trunks chuckled nervously. "Er, I'm not sure, actually. Goku, do you remember what the one you had earlier looked like?"

"Let me think for a second," replied Goku. With his left hand, he held his right elbow steady, and with his right hand, he rubbed his chin. Suddenly, he blinked and snapped his fingers. "Wow!"

"You remember?" said Trunks, almost astonished.

"No, I just can't believe that I forgot already!"

Vegeta and Trunks thudded to the ground dramatically.

"Sorry guys, I wasn't really paying attention when I was holding it. I'm pretty sure it wasn't weird-shaped though."

"Well that certainly narrows it down," growled Vegeta bitterly, gesturing the rows of light bulbs with his eyes.

Goku hummed, "Who would know what kind of bulb we need?"

"My mom," said Trunks simply.

"No way!" Vegeta instantly exploded. "We're not asking that woman for help! We'll figure it out ourselves. We'll buy every damn box if we have to!"

"I know!" chimed Goku. "Let's ask Gohan! He's pretty smart!"

"A flat-out nerd, we know," grumbled Vegeta in frustration. "But we don't have time to find your son! We've already been gone from the house for nearly half an hour now! That woman is bound to be home any minute."

"Who says it'll take so long?" asked Goku, pressing two fingers to his forehead in preparation for his beloved Instant Transmission technique. "I'll be back in a couple of seconds. Don't worry!"

"I hope there aren't any cameras in here," mumbled Trunks worriedly, glancing over the area.

Vegeta responded with nothing more than a _hmph_.

* * *

"Videl, are you all right?"

"What kind of question is that? Do you _see_ my face?"

"Yeah, I guess it does look pretty bad…"

"Excuse me? Who are you to make judgments about _my_ face?"

Sweat dropped from the back of Gohan's head. He would never win.

Together, the two teens meandered down the sidewalk of Hercule City. Videl's glare never wandered from the space directly in front of her as she pressed a pack of ice against her swelling cheek and did her best to ignore her friend. Honestly, she wasn't mad. It was just far too fun to make Gohan believe that she was mad. So, continuing the act, she grunted, "I can't believe you punched me."

"It was an accident! I swear!" pledged Gohan. "Those robbers were all over the place, so I just started punching left and right! When I began to hit you, I didn't know it was you."

"Oh, I see how it is," Videl declared in a not-so-understanding tone. "You thought that _I_, a girl dressed up in a colorful, heroic uniform, was one of those nasty, drunken slobs waving around a gun."

Gohan nodded. "Exactly!"

Videl stopped in her tracks. Her body stiffened and slowly, she turned her head in a truly horror-movie fashion.

"I mean, that's not what I was thinking at all!" amended Gohan at once. "It's just that…uh…er…"

Darn it, darn it, darn it! How could he have said something so stupid? Now he needed to find a satisfying explanation, and quick!

"Gohan, I found you!" exclaimed Goku, materializing before them. "Sorry to interrupt, but we really need your help with something!"

"Um, okay," said Gohan. He was thoroughly confused and a bit unnerved by the reminder that his father could transport to him at any time imaginable, but he was overall happy for an excuse to leave.

Videl's eyes instantly narrowed. "Hey, wait a second! You can't just—"

Before she could finish her sentence, the pair was already gone.

"For Gohan's sake," muttered Videl, crushing the pack of ice in her hands, "the world better be ending!"

* * *

"Haha, Gohan! Hey!" greeted Trunks enthusiastically.

"Hiya Trunks. What in the world is going on here?" asked Gohan, realizing that he was also standing beside Vegeta…in an aisle full of light bulbs.

Feeling as if this were his cue, Goku narrated his day from the beginning where Chi-Chi, frying pan in hand, sent him scurrying towards the Briefs' home to offer his assistance, and then an hour until now, whereupon the four of them stood in an electrical appliances store.

_Gee_, thought Gohan. _Is this what they do when they aren't saving the world from threats like Majin Buu?_

Vegeta stepped forwards and rumbled, "So can you help us or not?"

"Right! Well, first of all, you guys are probably looking for an incandescent bulb, since they are the most common among households," informed Gohan. "It's pretty important that we get a bulb with the same wattage as the old one though. You guys don't remember anything about the last bulb by any chance, do you?"

"Hah, don't expect us to know any of that nonsense," inserted Vegeta. "You can thank your fool of a father for that."

"Well, let's just try this one," said Gohan, pulling a box of the shelf.

Trunks gave a skeptical look. "Will it work?"

Vegeta grasped the box from Gohan and shoved his acquaintances aside on his way to the cashier register. "If it doesn't work, we'll make it work."

* * *

"Goku! Vegeta! Thank goodness I found you guys," cried Krillin. The drop-dead gorgeous man (a.k.a. the bald shrimp) halted his friends on their flight towards Vegeta's home.

"Hey Krillin," said Goku with a casual salute. His raised eye brow and wide eyes announced his confusion. "What's up?"

"It's Chi-Chi and Bulma!" the shorter man panted. "They're in the hospital! Goten just called us up at Roshi's. He carried them over, and he's with the two of them now."

"What? That's terrible!" Goku's eyes narrowed and his muscles noticeably flexed as he clenched his hands into fists. "What happened?"

"It was some sort of accident. Apparently there was a gas leak or something in the kitchen while Chi-Chi was cooking, and the room just exploded."

"And how did Bulma get involved in this?" inquired Vegeta, a hint of worry beneath his annoyed tone. "She's supposed to be out shopping—not over at Kakarot's!"

"Honestly, I have no idea, Vegeta. I just know that they're both injured, and then I came to find you guys as soon as I could."

"Oh man," sniffed Trunks. His eyes glazed with tears as nightmarish visions of a disfigured Bulma infiltrated his head.

Gohan's entire being trembled with fear. "Dad, let's get moving."

"Right, I'm going to try and zero in on Goten's energy signal. Hang tight, everyone!"

The group latched onto Goku, his two fingers pressed to his head, and together, they momentarily vanished from sight.

* * *

Goten nearly died.

Of laughter.

And he nearly died again when Vegeta realized the prank that had been pulled. Chi-Chi and Bulma were perfectly fine, and now he was standing here in Kakarot's home where Goten had been all along.

"Hahaha, April Fools! Pretty good, huh Trunks?"

"That was a horrible prank!" yelled Trunks, evidently outraged. March sure sucked sometimes. Wait…March? "You dummy! It's not even April first!"

"What do you mean?" said Goten, puzzled.

"It's not April Fool's Day because it's March!"

"What's March?"

"The month is March!"

"The months have names?"

Goku laughed at his son's cluelessness, for he had often dealt with similar situations of complete misunderstanding. He still did. Krillin merely tilted his head downwards and sighed. It wasn't surprising that Goten turned out like this when he had a father like that.

"Look squirt," ordered Gohan, kneeling down to his brother's height. "You can't go joking around that people are hurt. That's definitely not okay. You worried all of us today!"

"Sorry," muttered Goten with a frown, seeing that no one found his prank to be especially funny. "I promise I won't do it again."

"Gosh Goten, you can be such an idiot sometimes," said Trunks, arms crossed. "Next time, just leave the chaos-starting to me."

Goten grinned. "Okay, Trunks!"

"Ahem," coughed Vegeta. "Is anyone else forgetting that we have a light bulb to change!? It's been nearly an hour and a half now! That woman might already be home!"

"Let me check," volunteered Goku. He closed his eyes and searched for Bulma's ki. When he found it, he gulped, "Heh heh, she's home all right."

"AGGGGGHHHHH!!! It's all your son's fault!" exploded Vegeta.

Gohan pushed his scrawny brother away protectively and whispered, "Go down to the kitchen and help Mom out, 'kay? When me and Dad get home, we can go sparring."

Goten nodded, but as his father was about to warp away, Trunks grabbed his friend's hand and saved him from having to join Chi-Chi, unaware of the gathering upstairs, in the kitchen of doom.

* * *

"Dear Kami," murmured Bulma below her breath. She stared first at Krillin, then at Goten, next at Trunks, later at Gohan, afterwards at Goku, and at last, at Vegeta. "So, are you guys all here to change the light bulb or what?"

"Wipe that smug look off your face and shut your mouth before I blow it off," cursed Vegeta. With the new light bulb in hand, Vegeta trampled down the hall and ascended towards the ceiling. Actually shaking with apprehension, the warrior prince exhaled and began to screw in the bulb. When he was done, the Z warriors let out a cheer that seemed to erupt from the mouths of a crowd in a stadium.

"Congratulations," said Bulma, smiling widely. "You guys actually managed to do it without beginning an intergalactic catastrophe."

"No kidding," sighed Goku, genuinely relieved.

"Happy now?" grumbled Vegeta.

"I sure am!" chirped Bulma. "Thanks, Vegeta!"

Vegeta smirked. Was the woman finally learning to respect those above her? He began walking away and notified, "I'm going back to my training."

"Wait a second!" said Bulma, walking towards the hallway. "Let's check if it works."

The woman stared down the hall, now composed of dirt, bashed-in walls, missing doorways, and a roof full of holes. Sighing, she turned on the light switch, and, as she feared, the entire roof of the hallway crashed upon the floor—light bulb included.

"S-sorry Bulma," apologized Goku. "I think we kinda got carried away earlier…"

"Nah, forget about it," said Bulma calmly.

Vegeta shot her a glance.

"Y-you sure about that?" asked Gohan.

Bulma observed the destroyed hallway and then, once again, scanned over Krillin, Goten, Trunks, Gohan, Goku, and Vegeta.

"Yeah," Bulma replied. "I think I'll handle it myself this time."

Vegeta snickered. "Good. It seems you've learned your lesson. So don't come to me with your petty little problems anymore."

"Riiiight," said Bulma, dragging a toolbox out from the closet in the living room. "Oh, and Vegeta?"

"What?"

"I wouldn't fall asleep if I were you."

Pulling a hammer out of the toolbox, Bulma whistled off to work.

Ah, March.

'Twas a wonderful month.


End file.
